If you could see you now…

Dear Me

You’re not pregnant yet. But you will be. Very soon. Trust me.

Because if you could see how happy you are daydreaming about your future child as you snooze (again!) on the sofa, you won’t feel so guilty about drinking away your sorrows and dancing on tables until 3am over the summer. Enjoy it while you can! You’ll soon be too exhausted to even contemplate wearing anything other than pyjamas after 6pm!

If you could see how much money you’re happy to spend on your growing family (and remortgage the house to get an extra few thousand), you’ll stop antagonising yourself over how many hundreds you spent on OPKs and HPTs.

If you could see how much you marvel at your growing bump, you’ll soon stop beating yourself up over other pointless so-called imperfections you’ve spent years imagining.

If you could see how much self-confidence you have over your new figure, you’ll appreciate that you WILL achieve that again after you’ve had the baby. Because you worked hard to shed the weight before and you’ll be damned determined to do it again.

If you could see how much you love Dave stroking, kissing and talking to your bump, you won’t get funny about him touching your tummy any more.

If you could see how blessed you are to feel heartburn, and stabby vag, and dizziness, and fatigue, you would pick yourself up off the bathroom floor after another failed cycle and know in your heart that it will one day be worth the tears.

If you could see how in love you and Dave are, how your future baby has brought you closer together, you won’t shed a single tear back in April when you thought his mental health was going to cost him his life.

You will get through it.

You will become stronger as a result.

You WILL become pregnant.

You know why?

Because you never gave up.

If you could see you now, you’d see all the pain and heartache was worth it.

If you could see you now, you’d see how the fretting and worrying was for nothing. Because it would all work out perfectly in the end.

If you could read that Rudyard Kipling poem that your mum gave you when you were a teenager going through a bad patch, you’d smile knowing how much it resonated with your adult self.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill.

When the funds are low, and the debts are high

And you want to smile but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit 

Rest if you must but don’t you quit!

Life is queer with its twists and turns

As every one of us sometimes learns.

And many a failure turns about

When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don’t give up though the pace seems slow

You may succeed with another blow.

Success is failure turned inside out

The silver tint of the cloud of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are

It may be near when it seems so far.

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit

It’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.

If you’re reading this, don’t quit.


4 thoughts on “If you could see you now…

  1. I so needed this today. I’ve been following your blog for a while and you’re ability to write down exactly how I’m feeling through the TTC journey is astounding. Today I was faced with another one of those blows that seem to come out of no where and knock you for six, and I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take it. But seeing how happy you are and the faith that you had had told me that I can keep going, and it will happen for me too. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is beautiful, we had a stressful time trying to get pregnant and finally fell around the same time you did. I wish I could have told myself over the last year how it would all be worth it, and I wish I could comfort all the woman that are in the position I was and tell them not to give up hope xx

    Liked by 1 person

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