Getting pregnant is like a doorman letting you into a nightclub, but not your friends.

I have been granted entry to Club Preggo.

I have queued up 19 times to try and be let into this exclusive club, and on the 20th attempt, the bouncer finally unhooked that velvet rope and stood aside to let me in.

I’ve been partying in Club Preggo for 10 days now, but I’m not fully enjoying myself. 

Because I was let in, but thousands of others weren’t.

Why me? Why am I special this time? I wore the same clothes and shoes as the other months I tried. In fact, this month, I joined the queue quite drunk compared to previous attempts to gain entry and was always refused before. But this time, the doorman deemed me worthy of entry into his prestigious club.

I hadn’t done anything differently. It was simply luck. The bouncer finally thought “Yep, okay, you can go in. But not your mates.”

Whilst I’m so excited about FINALLY gaining entry, I have to walk past everybody else I’ve been queuing with for so long. I see their disappointed faces, masked with a “yay! I’m so happy for you!” smile. I can see they’re not genuine, but I appreciate their effort to be pleased for me. I smile at them sadly. I ask the bouncer – why can’t they come in too? They deserve it just as much as me. They’re dressed the same. They’re not drunk. They’ve been patient. 

But he doesn’t answer. He ushers me inside and the door is closed behind me.

I feel overwhelmed.

Do I check my coat in to the cloakroom? Am I staying for long enough to do that? I don’t feel secure enough yet, so I keep hold of my coat for comfort.

Am I going to like it in here? I’ve been desperate to see inside for so long, that I’m still trying to get my bearings for the place.

In Club Preggo you’re one of the ‘special ones’. Some of these ladies were shown in through the VIP entrance. I don’t think they fully appreciated how lucky they were to be let in without queuing in the rain with blisters on your feet, to only be turned away time and time again.

There are lots of kind and supportive women encouraging you to visit the different floors of the Club – nutrition, nurseries, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, buggies, baby slings… I don’t feel qualified enough to explore yet. I’ve only just arrived. I need to acclimatise. I still feel a bit of a fraud. I’m worried if I get too comfy I’ll be asked to leave.

“Sorry ma’am, there’s been a mistake. We’re going to have to ask you to go. Don’t make a fuss now….”

Please don’t kick me out. Please. I’ve only just got in. The bouncer may not let me back ever again.

I find myself loitering by the entrance, waiting for my friends to get into Club Preggo. I look through the window and see them staring back at me. I bet they’re thinking “why her? What’s so special about HER?”

I can’t answer that. I don’t feel I am special. Just lucky. The doorman liked me this month.

Some of the ladies in the queue turn their backs on me. They don’t want to see me having fun in Club Preggo whilst they’re on the outside looking in. I understand that. I was in their shoes many times before when I queued up with them.

Some of the ladies wave at me and try to shoo me back inside. “Go on and have fun!” they say. “I can’t. Not without you lot here to enjoy it with me.” “Don’t wait for us! Enjoy it whilst you’re in there!”

I approach the bouncer.

“Can’t you let a few more in? There’s plenty of space in the club. And loads are leaving all the time to make space for new ones. It won’t be crowded…”

“Sorry. I don’t make the rules. It’s out of my control.”

Yep. It’s out of ALL our control.

Some months you’re lucky. Some months you’re not.

Some months you’re turned away from the club. Some months you’re in the right place, at the right time, your face fits, and you get let in.

I’m heading into the club now ladies. But I’ll keep checking over my shoulder to greet you when the doorman lets you into Club Preggo.

I’ll never forget those months standing out in the rain with you all, with blisters on my feet.

Promise.


17 thoughts on “Getting pregnant is like a doorman letting you into a nightclub, but not your friends.

  1. Oh man. I know exactly how you’re feeling. The guilt that you are here, and they are not. BUT ☝🏼 Know that you deserve to be here. It was and continues to be gut wrenching to celebrate something that so many others want desperately. It isn’t fair. But it doesn’t make you any less deserving of happiness, joy, and total elation in this moment. It’s ok to be sensitive to others and how they might be feeling. That’s what makes you such a good person. But don’t let your sadness for them rob you of your joy. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Don’t feel bad for us behind the rope. Each month we pray that some of us will make it through. We always hope it’s our turn and we are disappointed when it’s not but those who make it through give us hope for next time. Take this time to appreciate what you’ve got! Take time to share all of you experiences! Rejoice in this! You’ve made it through the rope, you deserve to be happy about it! Hopefully we will join you soon! ♡

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Very true!
    Many of us have been there, and feel guilty in a way. I’ve always felt like this as so many ladies seemed to want it so much more than I thought I did. I remembered when I MC another member of the squad was prego at the exact time with same due date and seeing her updates was gut wrenching! Somehow we managed to fall prego just before the due date and I was sooooo thankful otherwise that time would have been 100000 times harder than it was.
    I’ve just found myself being more sensitive rather than parading in struggling friends faces that so many people do on social media.
    For those you don’t see face to face approach them and see if they want to be hidden from any prego related items on your facey – not sure how it works with a page though? As I know you aren’t posting on your own facey yet. Btw so unhiding you from my album now!
    Xo
    PS have you thought about having a celebrity post every now and then from one of your struggling sisters? Or links to another TTC blogger you’ve found? Just a thought!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Great analogy. I am one of those standing outside telling you to go in and enjoy it. You totally deserve it. And I’m just happy somebody got through the rope! (My 23rd time standing in line. Coming up to fertile week now. Here we go again…)

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You come up with the best analogies! ❤
    When I read the few lines of your post announcing the good news, I remember feeling so excited and had to press pause on Netflix to read the whole thing! Still in the queue too, but looking forward to stepping in one day.. Thank you for looking back, do keep looking ahead and enjoy the club for us! Your ‘entry’ gives us hope that ‘membership’ is still available 😉 Praying for a smooth and safe preggo journey for you and your little one!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ahh Hun you’re so sweet to care so much! I think when you have been touched by the pain for it conceiving and the wait it’s something that never goes away. But you really do need to stay looking forward and just enjoy every moment. Us standing outside are grateful to know what it’s really like in the club and what to expect!! Those that aren’t will simply not read and scroll on by. I know you won’t take offence by that and will continue to wish them all the luck in the world because that’s just the caring and considerate person you are! You’re a true gem. Lots of love xx

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Great post. I can relate to this so much since I’m finally pregnant now after three and a half years of it trying. Sometimes I feel sort of like an imposter, as if I’ve snuck into an exclusive Hollywood party and I also feel awful for the people waiting outside in the cold not being allowed in.

    Liked by 1 person

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