Hey baby bear!
Cub is the nickname your daddy and I have given you, because your dad has called me Bear for as long as I can remember. We always talked about calling you Cub. And now you’re finally here, snuggling deep in Mama Bear’s tummy.
Papa Bear is very protective over you. The first thing he did this morning when we both woke up was greet you. He kissed you on my tummy when he left for work, and he didn’t want me to go to work today. He wanted all three of us to stay at home and get to know each other. Unfortunately that couldn’t happen, because, y’know, bills. And life.
Before I left for work this morning I downloaded loads of pregnancy apps on my phone (this is going to become an obsession I’m sure!) and I welled up reading about where you are at this week. 4 weeks and 3 days (until we know for sure). When I peed on another stick this morning, you made the second line become much darker than yesterday. It was like you were saying to me “Hey mum! I’m still growing in here! Don’t worry!” I keep catching your daddy looking at all the tests sitting on the drawer tower in the bathroom. He stands there smiling inanely. It melts my heart. I will never throw them away. It made me sad to see the battery on the Clearblue Digital test no longer says 1-2 weeks. I miss it already. I’m so pleased I took a picture of that one. So many times I’ve used it before in previous months that every time it said NOT PREGNANT was like a stab to the heart. I’m looking forward to the weekend when I’ll pee on another digital and I hope it’ll say 2-3 weeks that time 😊
I hope this doesn’t upset you but there have been a few times today when I’ve been engrossed in work and I forgot about you temporarily. Then I would remember all over again and I would sit there and smile to myself in my little bubble.
Actually, throughout the day you wouldn’t let me forget that you were there.
Cub, you need to stop making me wee all the time! It’s not going to help when I’m trying to work! You also have made me super light-headed and dizzy today. Like I’ve got a hangover – my head is woozy. I’ve had to take my time standing up off the sofa because I kept getting head rushes. I’m staying hydrated to help combat it but then, guess what? I need the loo more! You’ve also given me a right bloat today – I felt my trousers digging in more than normal and I’m already wondering what I’m going to have to start wearing to work. Cub – I’ve lost over 3 stone since January and finally got myself into some size 10 clothing and now it’s already getting tight! But you’re worth it – just keep growing baby bear.
My boobs felt like rocks when I took off my bra after work. Ouch they hurt. I actually had to hold them as I walked down the stairs. Your dad isn’t happy that he’s banned from them for the foreseeable future haha! And my sense of smell is a bit ridiculous. I smelt really nasty cheese and rotting rubbish outside earlier. Thanks for that.
We made you official today Cub. I rang the doctor to make an appointment and guess what – it was the same Dr Knobhead who knows nothing about fertility or pregnancy! But what was nice was that he remembered us, and he was so happy for us that it worked without pursuing further exploratory tests. I took all my positive pregnancy tests in my handbag ready to show him in case he didn’t believe me. In fact, I even kept a massive wee in for 45 minutes expecting him to ask me to provide a sample and he bloody didn’t did he! Nearly wet myself in the waiting room for nothing.
It turned out from looking at my scan notes that it actually said NO EVIDENCE OF PCOS on either of my ovaries! There were 12 large follicles in each ovary (which figures, because I ovulated 2 days before the scan) but no cysts on either! I knew it, Cub! Mama’s instinct.
The doctor has referred me to the midwife. I can’t wait for that appointment to talk all about YOU! I also can’t wait til my 12 week scan so I’ve booked a private early pregnancy reassurance scan for when you’re 8 weeks at the beginning of October. I just need to see you’re okay in there, after waiting for so, so long for you to find us.
Stick around Cub, please? Give me whatever symptoms you want. Give me hell if you like. But please get comfy in there.
Mama Bear and Papa Bear love you so much already xxx