So last night started out one way and finished VERY differently.
Just to put it into context, I still haven’t ovulated yet. I thought I had a couple of days ago but my temps haven’t confirmed this so we are still on that elusive egg hunt. We needed to get another session in last night to keep ourselves in with a chance this cycle.
Now losing weight has done wonders for my libido. I am ALWAYS up for sex now. Whereas 6 months ago and for a period of time before then, it was lights off-under-the-covers-only-do-it-when-Dave-wanted-it kind of sex. I’ve never stopped finding him attractive, and when he lost a shit load of weight a couple of years ago I was all over him (and have been ever since). But my weight had affected my own self-confidence, despite Dave always telling me how sexy I was.
Well now I’m 3 dress sizes smaller and nearly 3 stone lighter, my self-confidence is through the roof. I’m happy to walk around naked. I’m wearing sexy underwear. I’m happy to have sex with the lights on. And I’m horny at the drop of a hat. It makes a nice change and I’m relishing it.
I’m wanting sex because it’s fun, not just to make a baby.
But it’s unfortunate that now I’m finally in this mental head space, Dave’s not quite in the same place. He’s feeling a lot happier, but it has definitely affected his libido. He’s able to perform, but it’s taking a lot more effort to get him into that right place. And I understand that. And I’m patient.
So when we went to bed last night, I could see it was going to be a non-starter. In fact, a classic example of how NOT on the same wavelength we were was when we were cuddling up, limbs in a tangle and his hands were wandering. I was getting goosebumps, my body was responding and his fingers were venturing south. Just as I was thinking “Here we go…!” Dave said:
“Doctor Who was well weird tonight.”
I was suddenly drier than a nun in a desert.
So we settled for some sexy cuddling. Intimacy doesn’t have to involve sex all the time. In marriage, and when you’ve been together for a long time like we have, there are going to be times when your libido is mismatched. It’s normal. And I laid there in Dave’s arms, feeling happy and safe and loved and still very much attracted to him, even though I couldn’t show him how I wanted to.
But then it all changed.
It was like a light switch had flicked on. We were suddenly transported back to the sex we were having in 2007 after a drunken night out. Dirty, rough, and hot as hell.
Doggy got a new twist. My head was forced down onto the mattress, my head turned to the side (so I could breathe which is quite important!) and Dave gripped me by the wrists and held them behind my back like you would if you were being arrested. In fact he pulled them back towards him at one point and used them for leverage. I literally couldn’t move. If I did, either I’d break my neck or dislocate both shoulders (and elbows for that matter). Quite dangerous when I think back now. But I’d definitely do it again…
And it had been a while since I last got my legs over his shoulders and my feet held behind my head. Christ. I’d bit my lip so hard in that position I’ve got a lump there today.
All the while I was thinking, 20 minutes ago I was resigned to a cuddle, probably miss an extra session before ovulation and go straight to sleep. Now I’ve got my feet beside my ears feeling like we’ve gone back in time 10 years when we were shagging like rabbits wherever we could. It was surreal. But I was NOT complaining.
Afterwards, I said to Dave, “If we’ve conceived from that, I’m not sure I’d want to know our baby was made from a rough fuck that would probably get us arrested in some Middle Eastern countries.”
He replied “We’ll just say that daddy wanted to give mummy a good smashing.”
Yeah, you can have THAT conversation with our future child Dave…