Mother Nature is a bitch

Every month, EVERY MONTH, without fail, when I get my period I am stupidly, crazily, insanely horny.

Please tell me I’m not the only one?

It doesn’t matter how bad my cramps are, or how bloated and unattractive I’m feeling, I still feel horny.

I don’t understand the biology of it. You’re not fertile when you’re on your period so it’s not like the sex would get you pregnant, but still you want sex.

But Dave won’t entertain the idea. He’s never given in to my pleading desperation in over 10 years. His answer is to go up my bum. 

No. No. No.

Last night was the worst ever. Putting aside the fact we were at a 90s theme fancy dress house party and Dave was wearing a dress (in fact, 70% of the men there were dressed as women haha), I was feeling sexy and attractive dressed as Britney Spears. Dave was telling his mates how attractive he found me too. So much so that he had to stop thinking about it because having a hard on in a dress isn’t a good combination 😂

But this wasn’t enough for him to give in.

We walked the 20 minute journey home (yes, dressed as we were, me carrying my heels) and it felt like I was back at uni 12 years ago walking back with a conquest. Except this was my husband and there would be no awkward exchange in the morning (or middle of the night flit). A car tooted is as it drove by. I wanted to shout “WE’RE NOT DIRTY STOP OUTS – WE’RE MARRIED!”

Our mate’s parting words to us as we left the party was to give me a good pounding. He even texted to find out if we were home and getting on with it yet lol. But still, I was up for it, but Dave just couldn’t.

It made for me to have some insanely horny dreams where I did at least get laid in them. But then I woke up horny. Disgustingly hungover, but really fucking horny. I begged. I pleaded. I suggested we do it in the shower.

But no.

He happily had a blow job though. And when I was laid on the bed after and he was looking at me I was thinking “yes! He’s thinking about it! He’s going to give in!”

But nah.

I’ve done period sex once, at the tail end. I was at uni and I didn’t tell the guy til afterwards, but he wasn’t bothered. Ironically I was dressed up that night too. I think it was Fame night.

But my husband has his preferences.

That doesn’t mean I won’t spend the rest of our married lives trying to convince him to come around to my way of thinking.

Now if Mother Nature could give me a hand with that, that would be great.


10 thoughts on “Mother Nature is a bitch

  1. Hi,
    I’m finding your blog really helpful at the moment. My partner and I are really struggling today as we just found out that some dear friends who started trying at the same time as us are expecting their second… (cue punched in the gut feeling and fixed smiles… and then feeling like a prick for feeling jealous). Your blog is helping me gain some insight into what my wife is going through, while making me chuckle as well.
    Mother Nature needs a good kicking.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for that Pete. It’s nice to have a man follow my blog and comment. I’m sorry for your struggle. I identify with what you describe all too well. Does your wife know about my blog? If it’s helping you it may help her too?

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      1. She insists on suffering in silence and doing her own research. I am trying to get her to read your blog as I think it would be really helpful. In the meantime you are indirectly helping her I hope!

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      2. Fingers crossed! You’ve told her about it so at least she knows. Is she on Instagram or Facebook? She can follow me there too. Insta @mother_of_none_blog and FB motherofnone

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      3. Have you found anything else from the male perspective? Consensus seems to be that we just keep it all bottled up inside. I have considered starting my own blog covering this, but a bit busy with tail end of teacher training currently. Had hoped to be a dad by the the time I a) qualified and b) turned 40, neither of which is now physically possible. Most of my friends seem to just look at their partners to impregnate them, so no help there. If I hear them moan about their offspring keeping them up or making them watching Pepper pig one more time then I may lose my marbles.

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      4. Haha! I hear you. Well I don’t know how many of my posts you’ve read but Dave’s perspective has been included in my blog, both directly from him and indirectly through my own thoughts of his experiences. I’ve found no male blogs but there are a handful of male Instagram accounts that I follow. My husband has lately opened up to his mates and ‘went public’ on Facebook about his struggle – people have reached out to him as a result. It’s a brave thing to do – have you considered it? It may lead people to admit they’re struggling too and then you won’t feel so alone.

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      5. I personally don’t have a problem with it, but my wife wants to keep this really private at the moment, and has only told a very small group of her own friends. I am currently trying to get her to share a bit more so she isn’t suffering in silence. Each to their own I suppose. Hence your blog (Dave’s bits very much appreciated (no pun intended)) being so great.

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  2. It’s nice to have a male perspective here as I also have a BF who doesn’t like to talk about it…i often wonder what’s going through his head esp as currently it looks like it’s a swimmer issue altho our fertility appt isn’t until the end of the month which hopefully will give us some better insight/plans xx

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  3. Sorry, I can’t help you there… I hate period sex. Except maybe towards the tail end. All the extra liquid just makes me feel too wet (not in a good way) and it just doesn’t feel as good. Also… the mess!! I have recently started bleeding after sex around ovulation time (I’ve been checked out and it’s hormonal/cervix related so nothing to worry about) and there’s nothing less romantic than finding blood stains on the sheets afterwards. Grr! We’re planning to put a towel down next cycle so I at least only have to wash that! Although obviously hoping there is no next cycle 😉 8dpo and counting…

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