When you try to be sexy… but your nipples aren’t behaving.

Still continuing with the theme of keeping things spicy in the bedroom when trying to conceive, last night was the beginning of Operation Spice in the build up to my fertile week. Dave is also on board for the every other day strategy this cycle, especially now his illness of last month is a distant memory.

So. How did we get on? 

Well, life has a funny way of unsexyfying (yes that is a word) the sexy in you.

Sexy point 1: Dave got his hair cut yesterday. I fricking love it when he gets the short back and sides look. I wish he wouldn’t let it grow so long to the point where I have to nag at him to get it cut again, but at least he got it sorted in time for our planned weekend session.

Sexy point 2: I got a bit carried away with the razor in the bath, in preparation for THAT. I’ll say no more.

Sexy point 3: I wore my new lacy black chemise that I bought earlier this week.

Sexy point 4: when Dave was taking a pre-session shower I took the opportunity to hack into his phone, take a selfie of me in said chemise, and changed his wallpaper and lockscreen to show his sexy wife.

So far so good. However…

Dave didn’t bother shaving his face stubble. As hot as he looks with it, it’s no fun when he’s ‘down there’ with stubble. And lady part stubble rash irritation is no fun either. So THAT didn’t go ahead.

Had I known that HE wasn’t going to bother shaving, then I wouldn’t have either! So my lady parts, all preened and glorious, went to waste. Instead, I have now been having to endure IVS (irritable vag syndrome) and this will last for a good 2-3 days. THIS IS WHY I KEEP THE TUFT DAVE FFS!!!

I didn’t try the chemise on when I bought it so I had no idea where my nipples would go. As it turns out, there were two holes in the part where your tits go that were perfectly positioned for my nips. There was no restraining them. They wanted to escape. So when Dave emerged from the bathroom fresh out of his shower, the first thing he did was laugh. He fucking laughed the dickhead! Because all he could see were my nips peeking out to say hello. We agreed that the rest of the chemise was sexy so I put on a lacy black bra underneath to hide the nipples and therefore prevent him bursting into hysterical laughter when I jiggled on top of him with two nipples trying to poke his eyes out. The bra had the added effect of pushing my boobs in and up too so it probably worked out for the best.

After said session, Dave did the usual thing of finding me a big pair of pants to wear, gave me a pantyliner to collect any residue and brought me my pyjamas. As he said himself, “THIS is the reality of trying to make a baby.”

Yup.

And let’s add to that the reality of when you have a coughing fit whilst laying down and clenching as hard as you can, and a load of semen escapes, trickles down between your arse cheeks, bypasses your pantyliner ENTIRELY, stains your black pants and seeps through onto your fresh clean pyjamas.

There is NOTHING sexy about that.

Maybe we should just stick to ‘vanilla sex’.

Oh, and he changed his wallpaper back to a Leeds United badge. The disloyal bastard.


4 thoughts on “When you try to be sexy… but your nipples aren’t behaving.

  1. Oh man, I’m no sorry for laughing but this has got to be one of the funniest posts I’ve read! It perfectly sums up the struggles associated with trying to make a baby… I wish you both luck, and a much ah hem “sexier” time next time 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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