Find your tribe. Love them hard.

I don’t have a sister. I’ve always wanted one, and imagined what it would be like to have one. Especially during the journey of trying to conceive – someone super close to confide in. My mum is a close second. I don’t really hide anything from her. I mean, I don’t discuss my cervical mucus with her for god’s sake, but I do share my thoughts and emotions with her.

But what I do have, is a bunch of fucking awesome friends. Some of these might as well be my sisters. I am the last of my ‘real-life’ friends to become a mum. But they GET this. I don’t even need to explain to them how I’m feeling. And if they’re unsure then they all read my blog. I also have some friends who live thousands of miles away from me, based in America and Canada. I bloody wish they lived over here. I’m hopeful I’ll meet up with them one day through. With our babies.

Anyway, I’m going to share (anonymously) a little bit about my tribe here. They’ll figure it out… ๐Ÿ˜‰

Old Best Friend 1 – we were tight at secondary school. Super duper close. She now lives 4 hours away from me and therefore contact is more through texts and Facebook messenger but when we do meet up, which tends to be around once a year or once every couple of years, it’s like we’ve never been apart from each other. I love that our lives have gone our separate ways but that hasn’t affected our emotional bond. We last met up last April-ish time when she told me she was 6 months pregnant. She also confided in me the miscarriages she had endured and the secret heartbreak she carried. I wish I’d known so I could have been there for her at those times. She’s such a strong woman in many ways. She has 2 little girls now, and I’m heading to her youngest’s naming ceremony in April. I’m so happy for her. She got her rainbow.

Old Best Friend 2 – also a super close friend at secondary school but one who I got closer to after we got older. She lives about an hour away from me, so I also don’t get to see her as much as I’d like to, but there is an understanding there. We both lead very busy lives but we don’t hold it against each other. I have many memories of my late teens and twenties with her – long lunches and catch ups, nights out in different towns, hen dos, New Years Eves, gigs, lots! I’ve always admired how she lived her life and loved hearing about her adventures when we were setting off in the big bad world. She lived abroad doing different jobs, she got the tattoos and piercings, she took the risks and I lived vicariously through her. I didn’t have the bravery to do the things she did. We were a bit chalk and cheese in our differences, but that actually made us closer. As she settled down, she got married and recently had her second baby, a girl to add to her little boy. I was so so happy for her when I heard the news last week. She has also had her own heartbreak – a miscarriage before her first, and the loss of an ovary and tube as a result. But now she has her 2 miracles. I last saw her last April time too – we confided in each other the difficulty of getting pregnant. She was even so sensitive enough to apologise when she revealed her second pregnancy to me because she wanted it to be me to fall pregnant first. How selfless is that? She also has been thoughtful enough to send me her copious amounts of unused pregnancy tests and OPKs because she knows how expensive they are. She’s always rooting for me in the background. I love her for that.

Frolleague (colleague-turned-friend) – this is one of my bestest bestest buddies, and she lives so far away that I miss her desperately. I first met her 8 years ago in my first teaching job. She was a TA at the school I worked, and 10 years older than me. We grew so close as the year went on and I enjoyed my time there so much. We stayed in touch after I left, and regularly met up for pub lunches and catch ups as she didn’t live that far away. Then she moved down to the other end of the country to be with her man, and I felt I’d lost a limb. I still do. I love her like an older sister. Whenever Dave and I meet up with them I squeeze her for a good 5 minutes to catch up on all the hugs! And she has her own little boy now. I cried when I read her text message with her scan photo 3 years ago. I actually cried. I was walking down the high street, casually opened my phone to see her waiting message and I just knew. I didn’t even know she was trying for a baby so there was no clue, but at that moment I just knew. I opened it and bawled like a baby in public. I was so happy for her, as at 37 I knew a baby was something she so desperately wanted. I now feel like an unofficial godmum to her little boy. And I fucking love our adventures, the 5 of us. She’s another champion of Dave and me, and our mission to be three.

Double Trouble – now there’s these two. My sanity in an insane world. We met in unfortunate circumstances in a pit of hell that was a school in which we all worked 7ish years ago. The only good thing to come out of that place was our enduring friendship. We put the world to rights. Our WhatsApp messages have literally made me wet myself on more than one occasion. In fact, some of the things we say should get us arrested. Or committed. Or both. We take the piss out of each other. We take the piss out of others. We support each other with our individual challenges and life-fuck-ups. And boy do they support me by the bucket loads. They have a child each so meet ups these days tend to involve their children but this provides its own hilarity. These 2 are awesome mums in their own ways. They have gone through some mighty shit. But my God are they strong women. I never laugh or cry as hard as I do with these two. Friendship for life. So long as they can accept and forgive me for how I take my tea ๐Ÿ˜‚

Cowgirl – I’ve known Cowgirl since I joined Kindara over a year ago. She was one of my first followers. We have discussed some random shit through Facebook messenger. It is not possible to offend her, which is just as well as I am a very offensive and vulgar person. We have screenshotted disturbing things to each other to make the other one laugh. Because she is 7 hours behind me, I have been up in the middle of the night crying about something TTC related and I’ll message her and see she’s online and she’ll reply straight away with the perfect words that I need to hear. Even if she’s in the thick of work she’ll quickly say that she’s read what I’ve put and will reply properly later. My heart bled for her when she lost her baby last year, which turned out to be a molar pregnancy, and was told she would have to avoid TTC for 6 months, and have monthly blood draws to remind her that she wasn’t pregnant and didn’t have cancer either. All the while she kept working in a hospital that played a lullaby everytime a baby was born. Again, just to remind her several times a day of the very thing she desperately wanted and couldn’t have. Her strength knows no bounds. I was in awe of her. And I cried with happiness when she fell pregnant with her rainbow baby. Just like I know she’ll cry when I get pregnant with mine. This is also the same woman that I messaged last week when I was entertaining the idea of being pregnant and I wasn’t sure what my cervix should feel like. Knowing she was in the early stages of pregnancy I messaged her to stick her finger up her J when she got back from work and tell me what her cervix felt like. She immediately replied “You better believe when I get back from work I’m jamming my fingers up there and reporting back to you.” Friendship goals right there. Cowgirl – I’m so pleased this journey has brought you into my life. I couldn’t have done all this without you.

Twinnie – another early follower from Kindara who is in the same shitty boat as me. We are kind of like the last ones standing in this game. I can message her how I’m feeling and I know she’s feeling exactly the same as me. Medically she has gone through a lot and has come out the other side a warrior. She’s my Twinnie because we are the same age, exact same wedding anniversary and honeymoon destination. Our husbands are pretty damn similar too. And so are our stories. I have a feeling we’ll fall pregnant at the same time and the twin thing will continue to our children. At least I hope so. She deserves her happy ending.

Expat – expat lives in Canada but comes from a pace in England that I know well myself. She is also another one of my early followers. I give her a reminder of home. We have very similar backgrounds and very similar personalities. We’re hoping to met up this summer if she is able to head over in August as planned. I have a feeling we’ll get on like a house on fire.

This is my tribe, my sisterhood, a sample of people who make my life all the richer for them being in it. I’m blessed to call them friends. And I’m going to make sure they know that.

So to any woman in whatever circumstances of life that they find themselves in, I would tell them this:

Find your tribe. Love them hard.

3 thoughts on “Find your tribe. Love them hard.

  1. Frolleague! LOL!

    Sisters are overrated. I have one and when we told her we were trying (only because she asked me to be her bridesmaid) she literally said “My friend had trouble but as soon as she relaxed it happened!”. Err no… I think we’re beyond that stage now! Although she did offer to talk to my mum and get her to stop going on and on about how we should have a baby, so there’s that.

    I’m glad you have such a lovely tribe of people who get what you’re going through. Hopefully soon they will be able to stop commiserating with you and share in your massive celebration ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Just because I have a sister doesn’t mean we’re friends especially since every time I see her she tries to hurt me. This is why I’ve never told her anything about TTC. She may be my sister but she’s always acted more like an enemy than a friend.


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