B.O.H.S.

That is, Bitch On Heat Syndrome.

I have just come out the other end of my time suffering BOHS and so my poor husband and his penis are safe again.

Just about.

BOHS isn’t something that really afflicted me before, until over the past 18 months since coming off the pill back in April 2015.

TTC really makes you aware of your hormones. I hadn’t really noticed how the pill really affected my libido until I came off it when I wanted to cleanse my body, get back into a normal cycle and prepare for trying for a baby.

When I was in my first year of uni back in 2005 I was like a typical fresher. I got drunk regularly, pulled nearly every night I went out, and sometimes I took them back to mine or I went to theirs. Looking back now I realise that when I decided to give into the lust and sleep with them (or do other things) it would have fallen in the middle of my cycle when I was fully experiencing BOHS. That’s why Harry just got a snog when I was on my period, Stevo (I know, shameful name…) got a quick fumble on the approach to ovulation, and Random Bloke (I THINK he was called Ollie – don’t worry, I would have know his name at the time!!) got full on hardcore sex until 5am on a Wednesday night during the middle of my school teaching placement. I literally didn’t sleep after he left (had no time), had a quick shower, popped a ProPlus and headed to school at 7am. I was rampant that night.

I look back now and cringe. I would never behave in such a way now, but I can only excuse my shenanigans as being more down to my libido and less down to alcohol. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t shag about, but I did enjoy myself (safely of course).

Then I got a bit too drunk and horny one night (again, most likely in the middle of my cycle) with the captain of the football team and hands and tongues and genitals were going everywhere without any kind of protection. I took the morning after pill just to be safe (because he did ejaculate) and my friends in my halls suggested I went on the pill. I thought this was a good idea because my cycles were pretty irregular anyway so I thought it was a double win. I went on it when I was 19.

Prior to that I wasn’t really aware of my body and the signals it gave me for fertile time. But boy did I notice my libido disappear when I went on it. Complete. Passion. Killer. There wereno more frisky nights out, my little black book stopped getting entries put in it, I didn’t even really get turned on by kissing lads.

For separate reasons I transferred uni to my hometown in my second year and met Dave on a night out. For the first 2 years my libido was back with a bang and it was all great again. But once the lust hormones wore off, the sex settled down to once a week (rather than multiple times a day when we saw each other), then sometimes once a month. 

Occasionally I would only put out if Dave nagged me for it. I just wasn’t interested. I didn’t have the urge for an orgasm. But at no point did I think it was the pill. I just thought it was typical of relationships and being comfortable with one another.

Even on our three week honeymoon I think we only had sex three or four times. It was an exhausting honeymoon with eight flights and five destinations but still, you expect to be shagging non stop on honeymoon!

Fast forward to April 2015 and OH. MY. GOD. Talk about a sexual reawakening. My lady parts were on fire!

Not literally – no STDs here.

I simply could not get enough of Dave. The poor bloke thought I was a nymphomaniac and that’s not an exaggeration. I wanted his penis all the time. I even WANTED to give him a blowjob – I know, crazy. He said it was like having a new wife.

Naturally this influx of hormones settled down again and Dave just about felt he could keep up with my insatiable appetite. He was losing a lot of weight too so I found him even more sexy than when I first met him. Then once the hormones from the pill had left my system I started noticing a rhythm.

First 2 weeks – can take it or leave it. I will give in if Dave badgers me or is happy to settle for a blowjob.

3rd week – ohmygodgivemeallthecockandsexrightnowgoddammit.

4th week – careful sex only, we might be pregnant and I don’t want to jeopardise anything.

Obviously I understand the biological reason for wanting sex around ovulation, but the 10 years I was on the pill had hidden this sexual need.

Yesterday, Sunday, was one such nymphomaniac day. It was nondescript, I had a bath, it was raining for a lot of the day, Dave was at Sunday league football, I wasn’t feeling frisky at all.

Then come 3pm… BAM! I was rampant, I was reading a sexy book called The Protector, I was watching porn, I was googling Channing Tatum doing the strip dances in both Magic Mike films. I WAS DRY HUMPING DAVE’S LEG IN THE KITCHEN.

I was desperate and it was embarrassing.

Eventually, realising I would not be put off until bedtime, Dave took me to bed (with his cup of tea – WTF?!) and took care of my needs. Lots of you know my husband so I won’t go into details here but it was dirty. And it did the job.

Fast forward 24 hours later and it’s like my libido has packed up and fucked off again for a month. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still want sex and we’ll still have sex over the next few weeks but I won’t NEED it. I won’t CRAVE it. What happened yesterday was like scratching an itch that you hadn’t been able to satisfy for ages. My egg was clearly getting ready to make an appearance and she wasn’t going to rest until she got some.

And when Dave CAN’T fulfil my needs because the poor boy needs a rest? 

Well my internet image search history reads something a little like this – Paul Walker, Randy Orton, Channing Tatum, Gerard Butler…


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