Please tell me I’m not the only wife out there whose husband thrusts his crotch in her face AT. ANY. GIVEN. OPPORTUNITY.
I call this face rape.
I can be minding my own business and all of a sudden I have a penis attempting to rape my face.
It happens so often, I almost – ALMOST – don’t notice it anymore. I just tolerate it.
Dave seems to think thrusting his genitals will make me roll over like a happy puppy and decide to give him a blow job. You would think after nearly 10 years he would realise this tactic gets him nowhere.
But still he continues attempting to rape my face*
I will be picking something up off the floor. PENIS TO THE FACE!
I will be putting my shoes on. PENIS TO THE FACE!
I will be reading a magazine on the sofa. PENIS TO THE FACE!
I will be sitting on the toilet. PENIS TO THE FACE!
I will be loading the washing machine. PENIS TO THE FACE!
I will be unloading the dishwasher. PENIS TO THE FACE!
Most of the time I am ‘lucky’ that he’s still got trousers on when he does this. But other times I will have an actual naked penis waggled in my face.
I know, I’m a lucky lady. You don’t need to point this out to me.
Well today, I had enough. I was innocently loading the dishwasher as Dave was doing the washing up beside me. Suddenly he decided to straddle my shoulders and thrust his PENIS IN MY FACE! I decided I would stand up whilst he was still straddling me. That took him by surprise somewhat. My head nutted his bollocks (excuse the pun) and he was lifted into the air on top of my shoulders. This 6ft 2in 12 stone man was precariously balancing 5ft 7in into the air, gripping onto the edge of the kitchen sink with his rubber gloved hands screaming “SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!”
After a minute I set him back down.
I may be small Dave, but I am mighty. Remember that next time you decide to put your PENIS IN MY FACE!
*Please don’t think I am belittling rape. I’m not.