So I thought of this analogy last weekend when one of my K-sisters posted about not giving up on TTC.
We all throw ourselves into this emotionally draining game that we call Trying To Conceive. It’s a bitch, with shit odds of winning, but we still invest in it every month nonetheless.
It’s like buying a plane ticket to a destination you really REALLY want to go to, but there is no guarantee of getting a seat.
Every month you turn up at the airport and spend money on a seat. You wait there, hoping (and maybe praying, if you’re religious) that you’ll be one of the lucky ones that gets a ticket (BFP).
Some people pay more for a first class ticket (IVF) and you look at them with great admiration for their commitment and the expense they are prepared to go to. Again, with no guarantee of a seat.
Some people are lucky enough to get their ticket, after coming to the airport with you for many months, and you see how thrilled they are. You are happy for them, and you stand aside so they can go through to departures and you hope you will join them soon. Only, they proceed to the gate and are stopped from boarding. They have sadly experienced a chemical pregnancy, and you see them return to the check in desk with a void in their heart.
Some people manage to get on the plane and we cheer them on to their destination that they truly deserve visiting. Only an emergency landing is made at another airport. They have sadly miscarried, and on their flight back they know they will never be the same again.
Some people rock up to the airport on their first visit, push in front of the queue, get given the first ticket available and board straight onto the plane. We secretly (and not so secretly) don’t like those people.
And then there are people like me.
We turn up at the airport every month. We’ve done everything right. We’ve packed our bags, we’ve not exceeded the weight limit for our baggage, we have got a passport that is in date, we have arrived at the airport in plenty of time, timing the journey perfectly, we have passed the security checks, we’ve waited patiently in line. But every month the check in clerk (AF) refuses to give us a ticket. We are sent to the back of the line.
But we will return next month. We always do. We want to get on that plane so damn much.
And one day, we will.