I have a bit of an obsession with OPPs, and while I know it’s not healthy to compare myself to other women and their journeys, and I’m getting better at not doing it, I still fucking do it don’t I?!
Facebook is a minefield of pregnancy announcements. Literally. You think you’re safe with the direction you are browsing, you get a bit complacent and cocky, don’t watch your footing, then all of a sudden BAM! A scan photo. Then you spend the next hour feeling sick with envy, going through their relationship history online, analysing every detail comparing your life with theirs, and then when you realise that you are effectively stalking through their holiday photos from 10 years ago, you give your head a wobble and tell yourself to get a grip.
I go on Facebook to watch videos of animals being cute or read random articles posted by various media outlets, and instead I get metaphorically slapped in the face with a scan picture when I’m least expecting it. So I don’t often go on it anymore, or I’ll post my own status but I won’t scroll down my newsfeed. Having said that, the upside of only having 170 Facebook ‘friends’ and 50% of them are blokes, is that most of the remaining ones are women who already have children. But there’s still those childhood friends, old school and uni mates, and the odd randoms who I don’t actually care about that I still have to be on my guard with in case they decide to drop the bombshell that they’re preggers. It’s ridiculous. I’M ridiculous.
The latest OPP that has (totally unjustifiably) affected me is the daughter of a TA I used to work with 4 years ago is pregnant. I know. I’m an idiot. Basically her daughter got married on the same day as me in 2014 and we used to share wedding countdown stories and updates when we worked together and passed each other at school. I haven’t given her daughter a second thought since, but since I learned the news this week it’s all I’ve thought about. I’ve been comparing my life with hers AND I’VE NEVER EVEN MET HER.
And even more ridiculous than that (yes it does get worse) is that my wedding photographer’s daughter-in-law is pregnant. The scan picture popped up on my Instagram feed (is nowhere safe anymore?!) because I follow my wedding photographer’s account. And I was still peeved with that too!
Don’t get me wrong, of course I am happy for these ladies. A pregnancy is wonderful thing and should rightfully be shared and celebrated, and who knows what their journey was to get to that point.
I just long for the day when I’ll be able to share my OPP (Own Pregnancy Post).